Mama's Day 2009!!!

So, I hope all my gal friends had a wonderful Mother's Day! I certainly did!
After a long week of Lynnie working at Pioneer and then going to help one of the farmers finish planting his crop till 10 or 11 at night we decided to sleep in on Sunday morning...I know, I know, we are Sinners!!!! We also had to clean the house and get ready to have the Hartley/Anderson/Roy/Bodenstab family over for a barbecue...So, while I cleaned inside Lynnie and T did the outside stuff....they ran to get chairs and tables and mowed the lawn...then after one trip to "Papa's" T came running in with a bag in his hand and gave it to me and said "Happy Mudder's Day"!!! There was a card with Tanner's signature and two signs for our house (I am in the process of decorating) and a coffee mug (yes, it was hot pink) and some mini Milky Ways (those are sooo naughty)...I was shocked, usually Heather has to remind Lynnie to get something for me during the holidays and she usually does the shopping for it...but this year he did it on his own and surprised me...it was fantastic...
We had a wonderful barbecue with the fam and we were reminded that, yes, you might want to put sunscreen on when in our backyard...
We rested in the afternoon and then in the evening we had a fire in our fire pit and made some s'mores and had a great time with Adriane and Conrad...
After tucking T into bed I kissed him Goodnight and then I hear..."I love you, Happy Mudder's Day"....I had to walk out cause I was going to start crying!! It was so awesome and definitely better than any earthly gift!!!

I now can experience what my mom went through with me. Even though T drives me soooo CRAZY 94% of the time and I would love a spa day once a week, it's those little things he says or does that makes you feel like a mom..like it is all worth it...and helps you to look at this mouthy monster with a touch of Tourettes as a child again, as your baby!!
When you are a child you always assume your mom is going to be there. You never think that you are going to get a call one day having her tell you that she has Breast Cancer and that she has to go through Chemo. If it does happen then you have all these thoughts floating around in your mind and you feel like you could just crumble at any moment. In our family that word Cancer is associated with dying...at least in my mind. My Grandma died of Pancreatic Cancer, My aunt died of Melanoma at age 36 and now my mom has Breast Cancer....and I know what you are thinking...they have come so far in learning about and treating Breast Cancer but to me Cancer may be cured for a time but it always, always comes back a second time....full force...
So, after having in the back of my mind for the past 28 years that my mom will always be there I was finally forced to admit that someday she won't be around. Now, when you are 28 and you still feel like you are 16 that thought tends to make you hyperventilate....to actually think of someone that close to you dying and not being there is..well, weird...Even though my mother has the 100% Assurance of Eternal Life with her Creator it is still a crazy thought...Death is so final....for us down here...it is actually an end here and a beginning there....I think it is the not-knowing what the there is like that tends to freak you out...or it might actually be the thought that I will one day have to host Christmas or Thanksgiving at my house and be the adult and be in charge...I am not ready to grow up yet...I always look at my life and it is kind of a dream to me..when did I get my own house...when did I get my driver's license....how come that mom won't come and pick up her kids..I have been babysitting for 5 years straight now....and this guy who is always trying to hug me and talk to me....who is he?? Where did he come from???
Then there is the positive....my mom is here...they have made lots of great advances in treating Breast Cancer and she is most likely going to be fine for the next 20+ years...and she can talk and drive and walk and cook and clean and I can pick up the phone and call her anytime and I get to see her in two weeks and she is still my same mom....maybe minus some hair in a few weeks but she is still the same lady I have known for the past 28 years....
And with all these thoughts that I am sharing with everyone (and probably going to look back and say ohhhh maybe I shouldn't have been so vulnerable), I have learned something great...you don't know what each day is going to bring...you have to live for today....don't worry about tomorrow..today has its own problems...don't spend the day yelling at your kids..or angry at your spouse...or worried about when you are going to lose all that weight...just live...enjoy the sunshine, your family, the green grass, your freedom to write your heart out in a blog, be thankful that you can walk, talk, run, blink, see the blossoms on the trees, smell the spring air...be yourself..don't worry about what other people think of you....just be!!!!